Divorce - Discomfort -v- Comfort Zones!

divorce is a chance to live again

I wanted to share more about divorce and discomfort versus comfort zones because these zones are important each in their own right...

I received this a couple of weeks ago on a rainy July evening, the lady, without fully knowing it, brought so much sunshine to that day! To read the full message and story check out my Instagram page post here or LinkedIn here.

It is a wonderful reminder that when we get out of our comfort zones, and say a big YES to ourselves, we create new powerful, life-changing and enhancing memories.

To the lovely lady who shared this, thank you, you made my lovely Monday even lovelier. 💗

So Discomfort -v- Comfort zones - we know them but how do they relate to divorce?

Discomfort Zone - the place where you stay, that doesn't feel so good but you know it, you may have been in it for many years, it is where and what you know. It's also the place where you may feel small, and suffer in silence and resentment. It may be where you suck up whatever is thrown at you, and yet inside despite feeling angry, or scared you know deep down there has to be a better place and life to be experienced.

Comfort Zone - is where, simply the magic happens! It is the place that you step into in your full power, you are your lighthouse, and no one can take away your peace, lead you into that triggering place where you lose your 'sh*t' and feel bad about yourself. You are in control of your emotions, thoughts, words and actions and you know, no matter what your spouse or ex does, you will be okay. This is, from my own experience a good place to be.

However it takes work as I found out, hours, days, weeks, months trying to figure it out on my own and coming back round again and again - definition of frustration!! You might already be experiencing this or you may have heard stories from others that make you think why even begin or try?

If you are currently standing on that scary ledge looking out at the nothingness and wondering where you’ll end up - fall or fly, I have been there. It's like there is this inner voice saying you can do this and you will be okay, and then your Divorce Mind Monkeys (DMMs) jump in and say a loud NO - with the what ifs, the fears and everything else we have been conditioned to think about divorce. And yet, you feel you cannot stay where you are any longer, feeling as you are feeling, your gut instinct is doing tumble turns that confuse you further. Yet there’s a small voice saying step off the ledge, you will be okay if you trust and believe in yourself.

Know this, back in 2012 I wished I had support, I was where you are, standing on that ledge of my future life with my mind monkeys asking me “How do I take the step off, will I be okay, and will I survive, can I trust myself anymore to get anything right?" To be honest I was scared!! I didn't know who or what to trust, my whole world had fallen down that Alice in Wonderland rabbit hole where nothing was any longer as it seemed...

Here are my three tips for moving forwards, to get out of:

🔑 Feeling the fear - if it is a little bit exciting, you know you have to do something and your body is feeling the same then walk forwards. If your body literally tenses up and says a strong no then don't. My body did this when faced at the beginning of the divorce process and friends told me to go to court and fight - FIGHT MODE and get everything - I had a hard rock in my belly that didn't feel right. I didn't fight, I trusted my gut and it worked out because I listened.

🔑 Overcoming the 'not knowing' - is all about taking small steps in the direction you want to go. Get advice and information, find out more, get equipped with knowledge, read, ask experts - see my link below for a free chat. Don't just sit in FREEZE MODE - the discomfort gets harder and something usually happens to move you on which invariably is more painful - you take control first!

🔑 Questioning yourself - FLIGHT MODE - running away because not committing to something is easier, and hoping you can run faster than the problem following you around in your life. Note to self - it doesn't leave - it just follows you and gets bigger - think mountains and molehills! Try writing everything down in a notepad - put your worries in thought bubbles, get everything out of your head so you can see things more clearly. Or get help by checking out my course beginning this month!

So where does this all take you? Well I want to reach more people and help them, so I created a 6-week Divorce Empowerment course designed to have you not only believe in yourself more, but give you all the tools I give my 1to1 clients, plus you'll get a lifetime link to replays, resources and lots more. HEADS UP It is only going to be offered once at this price!

I also wanted it to be evergreen (always available to you) because:

🔑 It may be that you are not ready to step off but would like to have a toolkit for when you do.

🔑 Or if you have just been told there's a divorce on the table you can pick yourself up more quickly and not let those negative neural pathways (anger, grief, victim, resentment, frustration, heartbreak) become deeper.

It's a key either way to your emotional and mental FREEDOM!

I also have free 20 min spaces if you are in need of clarity in my diary link here over the summer. Sometimes it is best to start, to know that you are not alone and that you are able to do hard things - to make a call (to a friendly person who understands).